I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
