What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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