i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
