just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
