when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
