i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
