AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
