Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
