So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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