We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
