how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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