Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
