I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
