When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
