i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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