he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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