She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
