dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
