Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
My liver just broke up with me...
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
