1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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