Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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