I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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