OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
