ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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