Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
