I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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