u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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