dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
