do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
