proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
