Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
