I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
