My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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