I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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