I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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