allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
