dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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