im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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