I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It's rum buckets o'clock
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Damn victory sex feels great
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
