Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
