bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
