And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
