My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
