she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
