I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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