Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
