the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
