her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
