we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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