Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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